Homemaker Lessons
I have been thinking alot about my mamaw lately, her name was Opal White. Although I remember her often, she has been on my mind so much in the past few weeks. In fact, she used to have these little embroidered cardinal magnets on her refrigerator. So each time I see a red cardinal it reminds me of her. But I know it’s the times that we are in that have me feeling so connected to her now.
FAMILY
Maybe it is because although I was one of her 13 grandchildren, she had an undeniable gift of making you feel special, like you were the only one. As I mentioned mamaw had a lot of people in her life who loved her. When you think about it she had 6 children, 5 in-law children, 13 grandchildren and 25+ great-grandchildren. You get the picture here. She would take time to sit with you and draw you little pictures, make you paper dolls, read you a story from the bible, or let you help her make something delicious. Her house was a mess most of the time, but it was not dirty. You know what we are all experiencing right now with our homes in disarray from being lived in so much, but disinfected to keep it Corona-free. I have felt the need to let some of the things that we hold hard boundaries on most of the time, just go. I know that this is living history. I want my children to remember it. I want to make MANY memories right now that they can keep forever. Not because they are fearful of a virus, but because life has come to a screeching halt and we have chosen to embrace it. So we have stayed up late, we have made messes, we have baked, cooked, snacked. We have played outside and made videos. We have prayed together. We have written letters to friends and neighbors, we have journaled. As uncertain of a time this is for us as adults. I want them to remember spending more time with family, being bored, and make-shift homeschool. I want them to know and feel that to us they are the world.
Faith
Maybe it is because of her true dependence on her faith in Jesus. Mamaw was a church lady. I can remember her telling us stories about church a lot. She was a fixture there, and “every time the doors were open” kind of member. In fact, I can remember her telling me about the first time a car drove past their church and they were all scared! They had never seen a car in person. BUT, lots of people go to church. Liars, gossipers, hippocrates, sinners, and man am I thankful they do. I am sure that at some points in my life I have been all of them and I treasure that I am loved anyway by Jesus. It is the definition of mercy and grace. Mamaw lived this too. She was a pray-er. I am not sure about her journey to the place of faith that she was in when I was a child, but I imagine it had to do with lots of things. She would talk about “papa” her dad and living through the great depression. This may also be where she developed her love for toilet paper, which I also inherited, as she always had a wall of it behind the door in their spare bedroom. Yall, I’m trying not to hoard it. She also, although rarely talked about it, lived through my papaw going off to World War 2, while she was at home with a baby. He was in the group that stormed the beaches in Normandy, and was a soldier in the Battle of the Bulge, and survived. He would write her letters about being in a fox hole and losing friends. Can you imagine? I think that her prayers and faith must have grown immensely here. Then after everyone was home safe and her family grew, she had 5 boys and 1 daughter. If the great depression and world war 2 wasn’t enough to drop to your knees in prayer every day then I know that raising that many boys would have been the final straw. She was a figure who was living proof that joy is internal and happiness is possible sometimes when your faith is in the right place. You can live through dark days when you are in a direct relationship with The Light. She showed me this, all my hope is in Jesus, on all the days.
Love for People
Maybe it is because of her love for people. Now, I know that most people will not understand this, but a small few will. My maiden name was White. And well, White women have a reputation for being bold, loud and firey. I would say that is also putting it mildly. Let’s just say that if you have offended a White woman, I would bet that it rarely goes unnoticed (sorry ladies I love us). I will also say that typically as intense as a response can be, there is a lot of quick forgiveness in our genes. Mamaw loved people. She would visit and call and write. They were always on a fixed income. In fact, I can remember when my parents, aunts and uncles bought mamaw her first washer and dryer. Before this, she was a regular at our small town laundry mat. Even while being on a fixed income she thought it was very important to celebrate weddings and babies. She would go all out here. There was a department store in Owensboro when I was little called Anderson’s, it had an escalator, obviously super fancy. The gift wrap here had a little looped ribbon with a gold sticker, ultra fancy. She would buy gifts there for special occasions, because they were times to celebrate and enjoy and remember. She loved laughing and celebrating. She would also let things go. I doubt they went unnoticed, but she didn’t treat you any differently. Dad has told us stories that when they were in high school and college (5 boys remember) they would get t-shirts with cigarettes, like the camel, and beer. Mamaw was a devoted baptist woman remember? She would do their laundry for them and when she came across one of these shirts, she would simply cut out the cigarette or the beer, fold it and put it away. I LOVE THIS WOMAN. More than that I love that she wasn’t easily offended. She simply let her boys know exactly where she stood on wearing cigarette and beer t-shirts, but loved them enough to fold and put away that laundry. Can you even? She didn’t even raise her voice or speak a cross word.
Homemaker
Maybe it is because she was an amazing homemaker. I use that term now with such fondness and respect. I know as a licensed therapist, that sometimes childhood memories can be remembered with rose colored glass. But my oh my she was a fabulous homemaker. You may not be sure about that word, homemaker. Let me tell you a little bit about it. My mamaw inspired and ignited my love for all things homemakery. Mamaw saved the little green stamps from the grocery store, I don’t know if you are old enough to remember this or not, I barely am. But there was some magic to these little stamps in the eyes of a child. She would save them, to be able to redeem the stamps (points) for a reward. It was actually one of the first loyalty rewards programs. We see them everywhere now! Of course, she had a ton because she was a cook and a baker. As a child, when we would stay with her she would make us whatever we wanted. I mean what ever. If I wanted pancakes, done, or yellow cake with Chocolate fudge boiled frosting...done. Angel Food cake...done, Broccoli Casserole...done. Salmon Patties (eew, but my dad loved them)...done. It was incredible what she could whip up without following a single recipe. She made every meal for 8 people for years, breakfast lunch and dinner (5 of her children were boys, GOD BLESS HER). Right now, I am struggling to cook one meal a day and she would turn it out homemaker glam style for her family 3 times every day. To me she was the best cook that I ever knew and she motivated me to be like her as much as I could.
This was flame was fanned, when I FINALLY was able to start Home Economics in high school with Beth Jennings. I know, what many people are thinking right now, but I was thrilled! Truly. I loved learning how to make cornbread, biscuits, potato salad and peanut butter chocolate candy from scratch. It was so fun for me to learn how to sew a pillow and a button. I found it super important to learn about family budgeting and finance (and what all of the numbers on a shelf tag in the grocery store mean). At the turn of the Century, make that the millennium, this girl was on fire for studying what seemed to be the antiquated. Mamaw, showed me the value of this. I loved learning the science of life so much, that after a couple failed attempts at Pharmacy School, because I couldn’t pass Chem 105 at UK, I sat to soul search. I prayed about my future and career. My hope was that it would be something that I loved and could serve others. And honestly at that point I didn’t care what it was, but my soul knew. It’s a miracle, and I am thankful to God my 20 year old self for making the call to head down this career path. My first college degree is in Family Consumer Science (a fancy way of saying Home Economics), from UK. I learned how to identify over 200 fabrics based on looking and touching them, I learned how to roll sushi and cater for events on campus, I learned how to make a bath robe, and I learned about the scientific importance of relationship, family and personal finance.
In fact, after graduating with my degree in Family & Consumer Science I returned to my hometown to be a FCS County Extension Agent. To teach people lifeskills, tangible practical things for living. I also was the agent responsible for coordinating a group of women called the Extension Homemakers in my county. Man, was I in for it. I could write a book series just about these ladies. These strong, smart, beautiful women had worked with their former leader for over 30 years, and here I came right out of college fresh meat. When I first started working with the women, I was scared of them. One of them told me that I was going to have to sell my brand new car and trade it in for a mini-van so that I could drive them all around. ABSOLUTELY not, I said. They taught me many things. Many of them had been friends with my mamaw, had known her for years. I spent lots of time with these ladies judging county fair exhibits, writing cookbooks, quilt shows, pancake breakfasts, craft shows, bake sales, SNO CONE BOOTHS. If you can just take a second here and envision me hauling around a sno cone machine to the county fair for the ladies to sell sno-cones out of their booth in the middle of August to kids. It was a trip. But we did it, hot sticky mess and all. During this time I was also completing a Masters Degree in Marriage and Family Therapy and Clinical Mental Health Counseling. It was a time with some sweet memories. A time where I was re-connected to the importance of making a home.
I have been a therapist for over 10 years and a business owner for almost 7. I know that the reason mamaw is on my mind is that we are in a place where we have been forced to make a home again. It is stressful with all of the change, it is work, it is uncertain and it can be lovely at times if we will let it. I hope that you will take time if you have it right now, and if you are one of the ones working 18 hour days (I see YOU), I hope you will eventually have a break to remember, reflect and give thanks for what matters most. Stay safe friends, at home for now if you can and remember that you are re-making your home and memories that will last a lifetime.
Take Care!
-Katie
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