Relationship Counseling

Marriage Counseling

In most cases, marriage is intended to be a life long relationship.  Over the course of a relationship, couples will experience feelings of disconnection. This comes from a variety of reasons but help with communicating and learning how each person can make a positive impact on the marriage has been seen to rekindle the connection unique to romantic relationships. Assisting couples in this area is a passion of the marriage therapists at Compass. Our Gottman trained marriage therapists can offer guidance in reconnecting with your spouse and moving through seasons of marriage.

What can I expect with Marriage Counseling?  Typically, couples call the office and we get them set up with a licensed counselor who has specific training in marriage therapy.  The couple comes into the appointment and the therapist walks them through what to expect and you share the goal(s) of coming to therapy with your therapist.  We use the terms counselor and therapist interchangeably at Compass Counseling.  Then if desired the therapist typically has an individual appointment with each person early in the process to make sure that the goal is a mutual one.  After an individual session with each person, the couple is reunited with marriage therapy together for the remaining sessions.  Individual sessions are not always necessary, but are common.  The therapist will also make recommendations, if necessary, for anyone in the marriage to seek individual counseling if there is an individual issue that is preventing the couple from making progress.  The frequency and the amount of sessions vary from couple to couple. 

The cost to you for marriage counseling depends on if you plan on using insurance or paying for the sessions yourself.  To use your insurance, there has to be a diagnosed mental health condition.  That being said, anyone who takes medication prescribed for mood, depression, anxiety or panic (to name a few instances) has a diagnosis can typically use their insurance benefits for counseling.  With insurance each policy is different and we would be happy to check your benefits for you if that is what you choose. 

Marriage in Crisis

When unexpected events occur in our life it is important to have a steady, calming, prepared professional for care and guidance. Each of our marriage therapists is able to provide a place for processing and healing when crisis impacts your marriage. We have Gottman trained therapists who can help you work through a crisis and learn to cope, forgive and move forward. 

There is no bad time to start therapy. However, sometimes there are concerns occurring in relationships that are particularly problematic and should be given attention in a professional setting. 

The first four concerns are what Dr. John Gottman would call the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.” After years of research Dr. Gottman found that these, left unattended, could lead to the end of relationships. 

The first of these is criticism. When one or both people in the relationship attack the other person’s character criticism is happening. A clue to whether or not this is happening is if words like “you always” or “you never” are coming out regularly. This behavior causes a disconnect and for one person to feel their worth is being challenged. The feeling of not being good enough leads to another concern, defensiveness. 

Defensiveness often shows up after criticism occurs but is not necessarily simply a by product. In defensiveness the person who is acting defensive basically makes themself the victim in the situation. Defensive behavior is trying to deflect the attention of the topic at hand by turning it around and saying a lot of “yeah but” or giving some explanation. When a person in the relationship is being defensive, they are rejecting any form of responsibility. 

Another concern in relationships that should get attention by a professional is what Dr. Gottman calls stonewalling. This can be defined as when one person in the relationship shuts the other out by creating distance. This can be physical distance or emotionally not being present with the other person. 

When one person shows a lack of concern about the other person’s emotional state or point of view it can be defined as contempt. This is a little more difficult to describe or recognize. 

One other relationship concern is betrayal. This can be defined simply as doing something in a secretive nature or without the other person’s approval. 

Betrayal is a problem that arises when there is a power imbalance in the relationship. And ultimately a couple feeling like they are operating on different levels or in opposition of each other is the core of why any couple enters therapy. 

So if you find yourself in a pattern or criticizing, being defensive, stonewalling, contemptuous, or betraying it may be time for professional help.