Grief

In English we say, “I miss you”, but the translation of that same statement from French to English is, “you are missing from me.” When we lose someone/something we miss them. Perhaps a more correct way of saying that is, they are missing from us. Grief is the experience of feeling and recognizing that someone is missing from you. Another way to say this is, grief is sitting in the ashes of what was. 

When we experience a loss in our lives (which happens to all of us at some point), depending on the relationship with that person, we can experience great emotional pain. Our hearts break, we feel as though we can’t breathe, and our stomachs feel like a terrible free-fall where we don’t really know when we will land. 

Losing someone/something is not exclusive to death. We lose relationships throughout our lifetime. It can come in the form of break-ups, separation and divorce, friends moving away, or even losing relationships due to establishing more healthy boundaries. It can come in the form of closing a chapter: leaving a job/career, unexpected job loss, and even growing up. Grief can even exist where life is there, but is expected to end soon. Watching a loved one move closer and closer to an end is painful. The grief does not wait to come until the funeral, but comes even as you spend what could be your last days with that person. 

Grieving is often lonely, but you don’t have to be alone. Look for people in your life that don’t mind to just sit and be with you in discomfort. Look for someone who knows they don’t have to say anything and they know that they can’t fix it, and therefore won’t try. Be gentle with yourself and give yourself space to have moments to fall apart, and don’t stress to not feel sad/heartbroken on n a specific timeline. 

Why seek counseling when you’re grieving—especially if this is just a normal life experience and everyone will go through it?  Grief can be shared. In grief work, you can be transparent and honest with someone who can witness what was. You have someone to walk alongside you in an often dark and lonely road.