How to Set Set Boundaries with Your Friends

It can be difficult to know when to help a friend, or when to help yourself. Sometimes you may feel like your being selfish if you turn down a friend’s request to help them. The bottom line is you always need to make sure you are okay before helping your friends-- put on your mask before theirs. Here’s how to set these boundaries so we can learn when it is ok to say no.

Determining How Much Energy You Have to Give

How much emotional energy do you have to share with someone else? This can be a complex question, requiring a lot of deep introspection. It is important to talk about this topic with your therapist if you are suffering from mental illness because many people do not take the time to assess how their interactions with friends are affecting their own mental health. 

You may ask yourself, do I feel emotionally exhausted? If the answer is yes, then you simply may not have enough energy to give to someone else. You have to save that energy to help yourself until you are in a position to better give out help to your friends.

Learning to Say No

Here’s an analogy for you: if your cup of water is empty, how are you supposed to give even a drop to someone else? You can’t keep giving and giving to your friends if your mental health is not being supported. If anything, you need someone to give to you. Take time to recharge and take a step back if you are in this position. That way, in the future, you will be able to put out your best self and be ready to give advice and help to your friends once you have taken care of yourself.

Be Upfront and Honest

Poor interactions with friends can lead to resentment. If you want to avoid negative feelings in the future, you must address problems in the present. If a friend starts venting to you about their problems and you are starting to become affected emotionally, you may have to be upfront with them and tell them how it’s affecting you. If your cup is empty and you do not feel as though you can take in all of their emotional stress, tell them that you will have to talk to them later because you cannot handle these emotions. 

This is especially true for empaths, which many people suffering from mental health are. An empath takes in people’s emotions with so much empathy that it is although they are feeling the same pain. If this is you, help your friends understand that you will try to be there for them but will not always have room emotionally to take in theirs. 

It May Take Time, But Establishing Boundaries Is Worth It

Nobody said setting boundaries was easy. Not only do you have to assess your own emotional capacities at the time, but you have to establish a healthy relationship with your friends where they understand where your coming from. If you take time to examine how you feel and are honest with your friends, you will be able to build healthy relationships with them that will be worth putting in the time and effort.

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Resources Noted

https://positivepsychology.com/great-self-care-setting-healthy-boundaries/

https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/set-boundaries#boundary-basics-and-benefits