A Communication Hack

Two major players in miscommunication are criticism and defensiveness. Each of these are recognized in just about any type of research about relationships. 

Much has been said about them and more details could be given here but for this post, I’m going to keep it short. 

This post is focused heavily on a “communication hack” to stop yourself when you begin to be critical or defensive in a conversation. The emphasis will be on recognizing the first few words out of your mouth. 

“If you would just…” “why can’t you…” 

One way to stop criticism is to pay attention to the words: “If you would just…” “why can’t you…” 

On the other hand if you hear yourself say these words, “I was just” “yeah but you…” then you are probably being defensive. 

When you have decided to change course then you can overcome criticism by saying something more like, “I feel….because of….and I need…” 

Defensiveness can be changed by working to understand and taking responsibility. Like this, “I can see why you would feel…let’s figure out a way to make this need a reality.” 

Handling criticism and defensiveness is a challenge. However, using the communication hack of listening to how we start our sentences can make an impact on how we get our message communicated.

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