A Therapist (and Mama) Retools Some of the Worst Advice You’ll Ever Get

From the moment a woman is noticeably pregnant for the first time, there is no shortage of people eager to share anecdotes and encouragement, much of it even well-intentioned, though rarely realistic or helpful. Despite all of this passing on of knowledge, it can never really adequately prepare you for the most important job you will ever have. Here are a few favorite nuggets of wisdom (and the reasons they are useless)…

Sometimes we all just need someone to tell us that we aren’t doing it wrong – it’s just that hard.

Breast is best! Formula has all that the baby needs and then you can go back to work sooner! Attachment parenting builds a secure child. Cry it out! Let the baby co-sleep! How can you use disposable diapers? Private school is best. You should really consider home-schooling. This advice is served right alongside some guilt and judgment, and the general idea that whatever you have been doing is all wrong. So what’s right? Educate yourself and then follow YOUR instincts. Develop a blanket response to naysayers – “Thank you for your input, we are doing what is best for OUR family.”

Sleep while the baby sleeps. Soooooo, what time does the baby do laundry because I really need to do some laundry? Here’s where you learn to prioritize what matters, or…I don’t know, ASK for help (GASP). While it may be possible to work AND be a mom AND do a semi-reasonable job of household tasks, there will never be work-life balance unless you have a team of helpers, which most moms cannot afford, and that’s just fine. You adjust your expectations, set some healthy boundaries and give yourself some grace. If all that fails, keep a healthy sense of humor and your therapist on speed-dial!

It’s like getting to relive your childhood through fresh, new eyes. Whoa, there. Most people did not have a perfect childhood, many experienced trauma or abuse. An unexpected effect of being a parent can sometimes be grief, for the childhood you did not have. For the parents you did not have. You may have a lot of mixed feelings toward your own parents (both grateful that they are warm and loving toward your children, but resentful that they could not offer you that same connection years ago). 

Enjoy every moment! (often followed by, “They grow up so fast.”) This little gem could only be uttered by a grandparent, someone decades removed from the diaper changes, the sleepless nights, the toddler antics and the teenaged attitudes. You WILL NOT enjoy every moment of being a parent. That is completely unrealistic. The years may be short, but the days are long. You will reach a level of exhaustion that you have never felt before. You will be frustrated, annoyed and filled with self-doubt. You will have guilt over things you shouldn’t. You will also experience an incomparable love for that child, as if you’ve seen the face of God. Your heart will burst and break on the regular.

Funny how a lot of the commonalities of motherhood are also symptoms of clinical depression or anxiety. Sometimes that line might even get a little bit blurred. Guilt, worry, sleeping difficulties, fatigue, negative thinking. Counseling can provide a valuable resource to moms, whether they are experiencing a re-ignition of previous mental health issues or just need someone to listen to them, to walk with them on their journey, to provide support and encouragement. Sometimes we all just need someone to tell us that we aren’t doing it wrong – it’s just that hard.

-Leslie Donner, LPP, practices in the Paducah location you can schedule an appointment with her by texting or calling 270-777-4490 or by clicking the gold request an appointment button below!

Download our Free E-Book 10 Questions to Ask Before Starting Counseling. Learn more at www.compasscounseling.com If you would like to schedule an appointment today click here!